Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
