What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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