you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
