my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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