im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
