I looked at my own cervix.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
