Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
