That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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