1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
