Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
and you fell through a lawn chair
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
