I'm really into asian looking animals
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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