you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Houston, we have a blender
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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