i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
