my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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