Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
