Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
