And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
