You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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