He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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