grandma shit on top of the toilet
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
