Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
