last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
