It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
