Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
