if you like me you must not know who I am
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
