I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
