I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
