In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
