You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
