I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
