So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
