He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
