She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
