Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
