I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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