How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
