May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We had to coat check the pizza.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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