you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
