Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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