I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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