I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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