the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I didn't notice because vodka
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
