Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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