you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
