I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
