i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
