So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
