just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
