i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
