Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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