dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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