Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's blow job season.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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