if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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