Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
